feeling sad

i try to think, but nothing comes across my mind. my brain just sinks into this black hole that never ends into my spine. i'm whirling away into the nothingness. i never thought i'd be depressed. do i even have a reason to be? do i have to? i hate feeling this way. nothing's every right, so much shit is piling up i feel i can't swim through it. i have pieces of me everywhere and when i go "home" there's an underlining fact that it's not really mine. nothing is mine. people go crazy all the time, cna't i just go crazy so i don't have to worry about anything? can't i just lose my mind so i don't have to use it?